If you enter the office of the congregation, a big golden retriever might greet you with a stuffed animal while Alpha, the congregation’s betta fish, wiggles by in a tank nearby. A garden walkway is a sanctuary for wandering minds. The church also offers yoga classes to members of the Newtown community. 

But the classes are less about learning how to perfect a Downward-Facing Dog and more about providing a portal for trauma recovery, said Crebbin.

“The feeling of trauma—the depths of it—is that ‘my life is never going to be the same,’” he said. “If you have this image that ‘I’m going to be healed or I’m going to go back to the way my life was,’ that’s not helpful because people will never get there.”

Crebbin reflected on the 2012 massacre of 20 Sandy Hook Elementary first-graders and six school officials, at Calming the Chaos: Clinical and Pastoral Responses in Traumatic Times, a pastoral conference organized  by Lisa Cataldo, Ph.D., assistant professor of pastoral counseling, and Mary Beth Werdel, Ph.D., director of the pastoral counseling and spiritual care program at the Graduate School of Religion and Religious Education. The March 2 event also featured certified trauma professional and Fordham adjunct professor Cheryl Fisher, Ph.D. The goal was to provide strategies for trauma care.

“It’s like you have a broken leg that has never quite healed right, and so you always have a limp, but you learn to dance with the limp,” Crebbin said, paraphrasing a quote from bestselling author Anne Lamott. “I think those images are more helpful to us than images that suggest that life will return to normal.” 

First Responders of Trauma

Roughly two weeks after the Feb. 14 shooting rampage in a Parkland, Florida high school claimed the lives of 17 people, Crebbin stressed that simply being present for people who are traumatized can be transformative.

“Over time, there are ups and downs, but slowly we find ourselves somewhere down the path to new wisdom [or]a life where the trauma hopefully for the community is integrated in such a way that there isn’t a denial of what happened,” he said.

Fisher, an advocate of nature-based interventions for trauma treatment, cautioned practitioners, as first responders to trauma, not to neglect their self-care.

“When we [ourselves]are overwhelmed, we silence the responses of our clients, patients, and community because we can’t take anymore,” she said. “If we ever had an argument for self-care, that’s it. If we’re not taking care of ourselves, we run the risk of dismissing their stories and causing harm to them.”

Activism in Traumatic Times

Taking on an activist role has helped some Newtown parents and community leaders to reclaim their power, said Crebbin. Some residents have joined gun reform coalitions while others have established foundations in memory of their children.

The Parkland teens have taken their activism a step further, he said, with a televised gun control rally shortly after the shooting, as well as a forthcoming March for Our Lives protest and nationwide walkout for gun reform.

“The response [to mass shooting]has changed from Newtown,” he said. “People were reflective. Now, people are angrier [because of]the lack of change,” he said.

Pastors and other spiritual leaders have also been called to take their ministry beyond the pulpit.

“Prayers are not nothing, and action is everything,” said Fisher. “We have to get out of our offices, off of our chairs, and take action.”

Crebbin argued that gun violence in communities of color should also be a national concern.

“If you’re only paying attention to [Newtown and Parkland] then you’re not paying attention to the ongoing issues of trauma,” he said.

 Finding Light in the Cracks

 Fisher proposed several nature-based exercises for communities ravished by trauma, including yoga, bird watching, gardening, nature walks, and bonding with animals.

Through her work, she found that these practices can create “natural examples of awe, wonder, and hope.”

“When I sit with clients and hear their stories, my role is to be a vessel,” she said. “I’m not expected to have the answer. What I do know is that at the end of the day, there is a tomorrow.”

Crebbin said in spite of the Sandy Hook tragedy, there isn’t a “dark cloud” that sits over the Newtown community.

“We have hope,” he said. “We’re trying to be a little more authentic. We admit that we’re cracked, but we admit that there is light that gets into those cracks, and I think that’s a gift that was given to us.”

Days later, many people are still struggling to cope with news of the tragedy—even those who were not directly affected. That struggle is not uncommon, said two Fordham experts on stress and trauma; personal or geographic distance from the tragedy will not necessarily spare people from intense grief or even trauma.

“Acts like this pull the rug out from underneath us,” said David Koch, PhD, clinical associate professor at the Graduate School of Social Service. “When something like this happens—losing 50 people at once in a violent act—you don’t have the traditional tools available, so how do you manage it?”

Few of us know what to do or how to act following such atrocities, because, until recent years, recurrent mass gun violence has not been part of our realities. In the aftermath of Newtown, Aurora, Orlando, and others, Koch said, we’ve come to realize we have no idea how to make sense of the fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness that these shootings have triggered.

Moreover, the near-constant stream of news coverage on media outlets and social platforms keeps us immersed in the unfolding tragedy. The exposure may trigger in some people a secondary grief reaction, said Mary Beth Werdel, PhD, an assistant professor of pastoral counseling at the Graduate School of Religion and Religious Education.

If that feeling of grief is accompanied by more intense physical and psychological symptoms—for instance, intrusive thoughts or memories about the event, hypervigilance, feelings of anger or sadness, or sleep or appetite disturbances—then one may also be experiencing a trauma reaction.

“When there is a mass shooting or terror attack, one may be a survivor, may have witnessed the attack live, or may be witnessing it through repeated media exposure,” Werdel said. “It is possible to have trauma reactions as a result of any of these experiences. The impact is dependent upon a number of factors, including previous trauma and loss experiences.”

In cases of traumatic grief, it is often necessary for people to seek a licensed social worker, counselor, or psychologist who specializes in trauma, Werdel said.

“Trauma… shatter[s]a person’s assumption of safety and may result in experiences of vulnerability and fear,” she said. “The work of the individual, then, is to rebuild.”

Koch, who specializes in the mental health of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals, said in the days following the Orlando shooting, that sense of “shattered safety” has been felt widely among members of the LGBT community.

The question, then, is how do we cope?

“You first have to acknowledge that your typical ways of coping have gone out the window and you have to figure out new ways in the face of this much trauma—cognitively, intellectually, and emotionally,” Koch said.

“I cope by trying to be in touch with what I’m feeling and to use ways of coping that have worked before to help manage feelings. I slow down, do some meditation, take my foot off the accelerator a bit and try not to get too agitated.”

Most important, he said, is to use social supports.

“In the face of this kind of hate, we need to reach out to and take care of one another—to provide those social networks… so that we’re not alone,” he said. “That collective action can serve as a kind of buffer against the hate… It also helps combat feelings of helplessness.”

In time, it is possible for people to move through and even grow as a result of tragedy, said Werdel, who researches post-traumatic and stress-related growth. There are several factors associated with experiencing this type of growth, she said, including personality traits of optimism and openness, social support, positive religious coping styles and faith maturity.

Growth, however, takes time.

“When we consider post-traumatic growth or stress-related growth, we must remember the importance of pace. By this I mean that we don’t look for growth experiences too quickly,” Werdel said.

“The image of ‘growing strong in our broken places’ that Hemingway wrote of is often considered when thinking of post-traumatic growth—it takes time. It is not immediate. We must also remember that growth is not in place of stress or trauma reactions but rather often coexists.”

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Earlier this fall, Lisa Cataldo, PhD, an assistant professor of pastoral counseling in the Graduate School of Religion and Religious Education, ran a workshop for a group of interfaith clergy in Newtown, Connecticut in anticipation of the third anniversary.

“In any community that suffers a massive event like what happened in Newtown, faith groups are often the first place that people turn for consolation and connection,” said Cataldo, who is a practicing psychotherapist.

“The workshop was about dealing with the aftermath of a communal trauma over the long term, because when anniversaries come around, all sorts of memories and emotions get reawakened.”

Three years later, Newtown is working toward healing while also dealing with continual reminders of the trauma whenever a new tragedy occurs, such as the shootings in San Bernardino and Colorado Springs.

But the families of Newtown—as well as the victims of the latest wave of mass violence—are not the only ones whose grief is magnified at this time of year, Cataldo said. For many of us, the holiday season brings up poignant reminders of people and places we’re missing.

“People think they’re supposed to be happy during the holidays. This is supposed to be a time of sharing with your family, of positive relationships, of celebration and joy,” Cataldo said. “Many people feel alienated, because they’re not in that space, and that idealized image of the holidays only makes them feel the lack of those things more acutely.”

Even if one gets beyond the “shoulds” attached to the idealized holiday season, there still remains the stark reality that someone or something has been lost.

“This is true for people who are in the midst of active mourning, but also for anyone who has experienced loss,” Cataldo said. “On holidays, the absence of the people we’ve lost is louder.”

Coping With Grief During the Holidays

The holiday season presents a challenge for many people, Cataldo said, but not everyone is open about his or her suffering. One reason for this is that our society tends to overvalue strength and resiliency, leaving little, if any, any room for vulnerability.

The key to coping with holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, and other difficult days is to make room for the grief, rather than shutting it out.

“We put pressure on ourselves to be strong when what we really need is to be more compassionate toward ourselves—to say that I need more time, that I’m not okay yet,” Cataldo said.

“Many people fear, ‘What if I can’t handle the holidays?’ The thing is, you don’t have to. It’s perfectly okay to say that you need to take this year off, that you can’t engage in these types of celebrations right now.”

For some people, she said, it can be helpful to deliberately include the loss into holiday rituals and customs. This might involve creating new traditions that honor lost loved ones, such as going to a certain religious service or writing a letter to them.

“It’s important to support people in moving through this time in the way that is best for them,” she said.

A New Normal

Holidays also serve as cues to reflect on the previous year. For those who have experienced hardship and heartbreak, the resounding question at these milestones is, “When am I finally going to be okay? When will I feel normal again?”

The reality is that there might not be a return to normal, Cataldo said.

“Any kind of significant loss creates a new normal,” she said. “Things won’t go back to the way they were before the loss, because life has changed.

“But it is absolutely possible to feel okay again. The memories won’t always be a source of pain—they might one day be a source of comfort and connection. Life won’t look the same, but it can still be wonderful.”

In December 2009, Angela Alaimo O’Donnell’s already-frail mother took a bad fall and broke her hip. Forty-eight days later, she was gone. Mortal Blessings is the story of how the author and her siblings cared for their mother in that short, sacred time span, when mundane acts of caregiving took on divine grace. O’Donnell, associate director of Fordham’s Curran Center for American Catholic Studies, divides this memoir into chapters named for newfound sacraments. There’s “The Sacrament of the Cell Phone and the Wheelchair,” for example, an account of regular calls to family members and daily strolls around the hospital that “served as a kind of communion for us,” writes O’Donnell. “We moved up and down those hallways as one, two parts of a single whole.” Even their ritual of enjoying pie together had become “Eucharist by another name.” And like the Eucharist, O’Donnell writes, her sacramental witness to her mother’s final days “was one more way of affirming life in the face of apparent death.”