“Navigating the independence and autonomy that comes with being away at school can be difficult,” says Jeffrey Ng, Psy.D., director of counseling and psychological services (CPS) at Fordham. “There’s a whole set of stressors students might experience, such as homesickness, academic pressure, financial demands, and anxiety related to developing new relationships and fitting in.”

Simply put, being a college student today isn’t easy—and there are statistics to back it up: A 2018 American College Health Association study revealed that more than 87% of college students surveyed felt overwhelmed by all they have to do. And more than 40% reported that they were so stressed, it was difficult to function.

“Increasingly, more students arriving on campus have a tendency toward perfectionism,” Ng says. “We have to deconstruct that. It is part of the human experience to err and be fallible. The idea of letting go of perfectionism is really important.”

In addition, Ng adds, overly involved parenting and the pervasiveness of social media and technology are contributing to the rise in anxiety and depression on college campuses nationwide.

So what can parents do to help their children make a smooth, healthy transition and thrive in college?

Talk about what to expect.

Fordham’s orientation programs are designed to help students (and parents) as they make the adjustment to college and a more independent life. But you can also help your student imagine ways they might cope with some of the typical stresses of their first year by talking to them even before they get on campus, Father Marcotte says. These might be practical chats about doing their own laundry or keeping their room or suite clean, or deeper conversations about emotional vulnerabilities like feeling lonely or being disappointed about a test grade.

“We want them to feel that they are the agent of this process and that they are ready to face what’s going to come down the road,” he says. Discuss the fact that it’s normal to feel vulnerable at different times in life and that it’s healthy to seek out support, Ng adds. “Parents can help students identify what resources are available and how to access them if they should ever need help working through an issue.”

Encourage your student to get involved.

One of the most common challenges first-year students face is finding new peer groups and making friends. They also might get so wrapped up in academics that they forget the importance of human connection, play, and downtime.

“Studies show that students who become engaged on campus are usually more successful than those who don’t,” Ng says. So whether your child is into sports, music, journalism, or something else, encourage them to seek out clubs and activities where they can do what they enjoy while building a new social network. An easy way to do this is at the club fairs at the beginning of each semester, so remind them to attend.

Advise them to put social media in its place.

The overuse of technology and social media has been linked to mental health issues, Ng says. It interferes with essential human relationships and can foster low self-esteem by exposing young people to curated versions of other people’s lives.

“They are constantly comparing themselves,” Ng says. “We encourage our students to be more intentional, thoughtful, and discerning about how they perceive and relate to social media,” he adds, something parents should cultivate, too.

Remind them to be kind to themselves.

When students encounter the pitfalls and unexpected obstacles everyone experiences in adulthood, help them adopt a “growth mindset,” Father Marcotte says.

“The best way to build resilience is to see everything from a growth perspective. Even failures, disappointments, and losses hold within them important lessons that teach us how to go forward in a better way,” he adds. Encourage your student to focus on what they can learn from difficult experiences. Practicing generosity and meditation, Father Marcotte says, are other ways to build inner strength and “enlarge the soul.”

Finally, Ng emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and self-care, advising students to remember the basics: exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Fordham’s on-campus fitness centers and registered dietitians can help them get what they need.

Let go and trust them.

By the time your student arrives at college, they already have a moral compass that you have helped build over the years. “We have to trust that,” Ng says. “I know it’s hard to do, but it’s part of letting go.”

Father Marcotte agrees. “Parents need to see that their work is to help their children into ‘interdependence,’ where they remain connected, but the child has the ability to act on his or her own and become a full adult. This is the season for that to begin.”

—Claire Curry

Fordham’s deans of students are always available to talk to parents. If you need advice or would like to schedule a private meeting about any concerns, please reach out to them.

For more information about on-campus resources for students, check out the Quick Links for Parents section of the Fordham website.

I moved to New York City from Bucharest in 2014, when I enrolled at Fordham. At the beginning of my first year, I felt as though the cultural divide would be too great for me to overcome. But then, after I joined the student newspaper, a friend suggested that I write about my experiences as an international student who was new to the United States.

It was the first time it dawned on me that my being foreign could be an advantage, that I could bring something to the table that no one else could. I wasn’t less qualified because English wasn’t my native tongue, I was simply better qualified to tell different stories. That piece became an honest account of how hard it was being away from home, yet how thrilling it was to discover New York on my own. I was sharing my experience with my peers, each of whom could relate to it in one way or another.

It was an accomplishment achieved in no small part thanks to the help of a certain editor, a fellow student one year ahead of me. She acknowledged my hardship and homesickness. It turned out that I reminded her of her mother, an immigrant who had once upon a time moved to the U.S. from Italy, when she was about the same age I was. Until that day, I never thought I could feel such empathy from someone from New Jersey. Yet there we were—she having moved to Manhattan from across the Hudson River and I having flown across the Atlantic—sharing a table in our school’s cafeteria, both trying to figure out how to survive college. She is still one of my closest friends.

Living in diaspora is difficult, but powerful. It teaches resilience and courage. Having moved here makes me feel that no other challenge I might face in the future will be as daunting—and that’s a powerful feeling, to know the reaches of one’s bravery.

1. Give yourself time to process the huge transition you are going through. It’s a big change and you’ll be out of your comfort zone, feeling thrilled and exhausted at the same time. Homesickness will come head to head with the desire to discover your new surroundings, but as time goes on, you will start to feel at home on campus and embrace the adventure.
2. Once you’re more acclimated, use your time wisely. Join clubs, go to campus parties, and take advantage of your professors’ office hours. Develop your skills and your relationships in your new community; both will help in the long run.
3. Play to your strengths and make light of your differences. Make fun of your home country’s customs and American customs alike. Humor can be a great tool in bridging the divide.
4. Lean on people at school and back home; share what you’re going through. My mother knew everything I was up to on a daily basis, and it made me feel as though I was sharing the journey with her. My American friends were supportive when I was feeling homesick or struggling with classwork in English.
5. Let yourself be amazed by what you’ve accomplished. Look back once in a while and be proud of having taken the harder, less-comfortable path. You have high goals for yourself and you are fighting for them. That is no small feat.

—Ana Fota is a 2018 alumna of Fordham College at Lincoln Center. After graduation, she worked as a news assistant at The New York Times. She is currently a social media manager and reporter for POLITICO Europe.

When it came to job interviews—a topic on every student’s mind—the parents had some sage suggestions: Ask the interviewer for advice. Don’t let the qualifications scare you off; if you have 50 percent of what employers are asking for, then apply—provided you have the passion. And passion is key. An interviewer can tell within a minute if you have it or not.

The parents had more advice for those who get the job: If you make a mistake, admit it, and have a plan to fix it. Don’t compete with your boss; always make them look better.

Listen to the discussion:

The event was moderated by Richard (Rick) L. Treanor, Ph.D., PAR ’17, Partner at Oblon, McClelland, Maier & Neustadt, LLP. Panelists included:

Rich Cervini, PAR ’19, Senior Vice President of Production and Technical Operations, CBS Television Distribution

Donna Morris, PAR ’19, Executive Vice President of Customer and Employee Experience, Adobe

Ed Munshower, PAR ’18, Founder, Terrace Creek Capital

John Normile, FCRH ’84, LAW ‘, 88, PAR ’19, Partner, Jones Day

Jennifer Povlitz, PAR ’19, Managing Director & Market Head of Wealth Management, UBS

Maureen F. Zakowski, M.D., PAR ’18, Professor, Icahn School of Medicine, Mt. Sinai Hospital
[doptg id=”77″] ]]> 64194 https://now.fordham.edu/fordham-magazine/10-tips-for-making-the-most-of-your-first-year-at-fordham/ Tue, 25 Oct 2016 16:35:23 +0000 http://news.fordham.sitecare.pro/?p=57908 Senior English major Emily Mendez gives new students tips, advice, and personal insight into their first year at Fordham.

1. Your Newfound Freedom

The moment you get to college is the moment you really gain your independence. Of course your family will always be there for you, and your professors will have your best interests in mind. But you now have more autonomy than ever. It might take a while, but learn to use that freedom wisely.

2. Choosing a Major

If you don’t love it, don’t major in it. If you love the idea of examining themes in French literature, analyze that. And if you’re interested in how to manage liquid financial assets, study that. Or, better yet, do both. Fordham gives you the time to figure out what you want to do, and the opportunity to be successful doing it.

3. A Dip in the Deep End

My favorite class? English Theory. It’s a requirement for the English major, but I personally think it should be a requirement for everyone. It takes everything you think you know about English as a language and breaks it down scientifically, politically, and culturally. That’s what a good college class does: It takes something you already know and love, and then shows you that you’ve really been swimming in shallow water all along. There’s a whole ocean just waiting for you.

4. Clubs and Extracurriculars

When you’re deciding on what clubs and activities to pursue outside of school, don’t pick them—let them pick you. You’re not doing things for a college acceptance letter or a well-rounded resume anymore. These activities are a reflection of who you are, and if you want to teach traditional Latin American ballroom dance to middle school students, don’t be afraid to take that initiative and do it.

5. Striking a Balance

While there are thousands of potential internships in New York City and in Fordham’s network, not every learning opportunity comes with a title. Even if your job is nine to five on Mondays and Thursdays, learning happens all seven days of the week. Take that assistantship at the law firm. Be that partner at the fashion house. But don’t forget to just relax sometimes and people watch at the park. If Fordham is your school, let New York be your professor every now and then.

6. Find Your Passion and a Career Will Follow

I came to college thinking I would be a pre-med biology major. Now with a rediscovered love of English (my new major), I’m looking into teaching, education reform, law, public policy, or a combination of all four. As long as you have a passion for it, you’ll find something that allows you to channel that passion into positive change.

7. New York Is Your Campus

There are about 13 miles between the Lincoln Center and Rose Hill campuses, and about 196 countries in the world. If you travel those few short miles, you’ll see that they somehow manage to accommodate nearly all of the world’s cultures. But don’t forget to branch out even farther—start following the music scene in Brooklyn, spend some time discovering the diversity of food flavors in Queens, or check out what the Coney Island Mermaid Parade is all about. Fordham is your school, New York is your campus, and this is your world. Don’t forget to explore it.

8. Expanding Your Palate

If you enter college a picky eater, trust me, you’re not leaving as one. Whether it’s mofongo y lechón, bánh mì, soupe à l’oignon, or bibimbap, there are honestly infinite options—although I can’t guarantee you’ll leave knowing how to properly pronounce all of them.

9. Learning as a Community

In art, diptychs are two pieces, literally hinged together like a book, that are meant to be admired in tandem. In literature, diptychs are poems meant to be read together, each lending to the meaning and significance of the other. In the college classroom, diptychs are everywhere: You’ll form them with professors and fellow students. Watching your personal understanding of the world grow is great, but watching everyone hinge on each other and work together as a community of learners is amazing.

10. The Value of Growth

There’s no way to put this lightly: You’re going to change. A lot. But you should. Change is just growth, and if my high-school self could have looked into the future and seen her college self, she would have been pretty shocked, but even more proud. And after going to a school like Fordham, I trust that you’ll be proud of yourself too.

—Emily Mendez